How Graham Norton nailed the Eurovision one-liners 

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Graham Norton returned to Eurovision to host his 12th contest on Saturday, entertaining viewers with his customary barbs and one-liners as he kept a watchful eye on proceedings as Italy won with 524 points – and the UK scored nil.

The Irish broadcaster who took over as presenter from Terry Wogan in 2008, offered colourful commentary on the 26 countries competing in the grand final. Here are some of his best comments: 

THIS YEAR’S SHOW

‘We’ve got a real range of music tonight… some wonderful vocalists and well, some as flat as Holland.’

UK (AND THEIR FAILIURE TO SECURE A SINGLE POINT)

‘We’re in company, not good company, but we’re in it.’

SERBIA

‘Less Destiny’s Child… more Destiny’s Inappropriate Auntie.’

LITHUANIA 

‘Like people from IT dressed as Steps for a Christmas party.’

ITALY

‘This has already been streamed 30 million times. I’m reading that because I don’t understand it. Maybe it will grow on me, like mould on a bathroom ceiling.’ 

GERMANY

‘This song is Marmite… if everyone hated Marmite.’

FINLAND 

‘I wear this every time I go to the smelting plant.’

 ALBANIA

‘Is there nothing Carol Vorderman can’t do?’

SAN MARINO 

‘Senhit last represented San Marino 10 years ago because, as you know, the country is so small representing the country is a bit like jury duty.’ 

ISRAEL 

‘By the way, if you do have a lockdown puppy and you’re trying to train it, I should warn you that she is going to attempt the highest note ever performed at Eurovision.’   

CYPRUS 

‘I love it. The Orthodox church of Cyprus are less keen.’  

AMANDA HOLDEN’S DRESS 

‘Oh my goodness.’ 

FLO RIDA’S SURPRISE APPEARANCE

‘That is Flo Rida, the multi-billion selling rapper. I don’t know why he’s here.’ 

HIS OWN VOICEOVERS 

‘Now this is the annoying bit, where I speak English over someone else speaking English but our voting procedure is a little different.’